The Advice from My Father That Saved Us when I became a First-Time Father

"I think I was simply trying to survive for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of fatherhood.

However the actual experience quickly proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health problems surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her chief support in addition to caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, every change… every stroll. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a chat with his own dad, on a park bench, that led him to understand he required support.

The simple statement "You aren't in a good spot. You must get some help. How can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His story is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now more comfortable discussing the pressure on moms and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties new fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his difficulties are linked to a larger failure to communicate between men, who often hold onto damaging ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a display of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that fast enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men often don't want to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - particularly ahead of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental health is equally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the space to take a pause - taking a few days overseas, outside of the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he had to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the logistical chores of looking after a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she needed" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to better grasp the language of emotional life and interpret his decisions as a father.

The idea of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, long-standing emotional pain resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "bad actions" when in his youth to alter how he was feeling, turning in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You find your way to behaviours that aren't helpful," he explains. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Strategies for Coping as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are swamped, tell a family member, your partner or a professional what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the activities that made you feel like yourself before having a baby. This might be playing sport, socialising or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - eating well, staying active and when you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mind is coping.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - listening to their experiences, the difficult parts, and also the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead give the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they confronted their struggles, transformed how they talk, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I wrote, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are through this experience."